The Joy Luck Club

And then for the first time in months, after being in limbo all that time, everything stopped. All the questions: gone. There were no choices. I had an empty feeling-and I felt free, wild. From high inside my head I could hear someone laughing.

"What's so funny? " said Ted angrily.

"Sorry, " I said. "It's just that…" and I was trying hard to stifle my giggles, but one of them escaped through my nose with a snort, which made me laugh more. And then Ted's silence made me laugh even harder.

I was still gasping when I tried to begin again in a more even voice: "Listen, Ted, sorry…I think the best thing is for you to come over after work. " I didn't know why I said that, but I felt right saying it.

"There's nothing to talk about, Rose. "

"I know, " I said in a voice so calm it surprised even me. "I just want to show you something. And don't worry, you'll get your papers. Believe me. "

I had no plan. I didn't know what I would say to him later. I knew only that I wanted Ted to see me one more time before the divorce.

What I ended up showing him was the garden. By the time he arrived, the late-afternoon summer fog had already blown in. I had the divorce papers in the pocket of my windbreaker. Ted was shivering in his sports jacket as he surveyed the damage to the garden.

"What a mess, " I heard him mutter to himself, trying to shake his pant leg loose of a blackberry vine that had meandered onto the walkway. And I knew he was calculating how long it would take to get the place back into order.

"I like it this way, " I said, patting the tops of overgrown carrots, their orange heads pushing through the earth as if about to be born. And then I saw the weeds: Some had sprouted in and out of the cracks in the patio. Others had anchored on the side of the house. And even more had found refuge under loose shingles and were on their way to climbing up to the roof. No way to pull them out once they've buried themselves in the masonry; you'd end up pulling the whole building down.

Ted was picking up plums from the ground and tossing them over the fence into the neighbor's yard. "Where are the papers? " he finally said.

I handed them to him and he stuffed them in the inside pocket of his jacket. He faced me and I saw his eyes, the look I had once mistaken for kindness and protection. "You don't have to move out right away, " he said. "I know you'll want at least a month to find a place. "

"I've already found a place, " I said quickly, because right then I knew where I was going to live. His eyebrows raised in surprise and he smiled-for the briefest moment-until I said, "Here. "

"What's that? " he said sharply. His eyebrows were still up, but now there was no smile.

"I said I'm staying here, " I announced again.

"Who says? " He folded his arms across his chest, squinted his eyes, examining my face as if he knew it would crack at any moment. That expression of his used to terrify me into stammers.

Now I felt nothing, no fear, no anger. "I say I'm staying, and my lawyer will too, once we serve you the papers, " I said.

Ted pulled out the divorce papers and stared at them. His x's were still there, the blanks were still blank. "What do you think you're doing? Exactly what? " he said.

And the answer, the one that was important above everything else, ran through my body and fell from my lips: "You can't just pull me out of your life and throw me away. "

I saw what I wanted: his eyes, confused, then scared. He was hulihudu. The power of my words was that strong.

That night I dreamt I was wandering through the garden. The trees and bushes were covered with mist. And then I spotted Old Mr. Chou and my mother off in the distance, their busy movements swirling the fog around them. They were bending over one of the planter boxes.

"There she is! " cried my mother. Old Mr. Chou smiled at me and waved. I walked up to my mother and saw that she was hovering over something, as if she were tending a baby.

"See, " she said, beaming. "I have just planted them this morning, some for you, some for me. "

And below the heimongmong, all along the ground, were weeds already spilling out over the edges, running wild in every direction.